Sometimes in our need to belong, we forget our own boundaries. We allow people who claim to be our friends into our safe space only to then feel betrayed or hurt by their actions. This behavior often leads to the blame game or a victim mentality within us. These relationships can leave us vulnerable, frayed, and cautious. Nevertheless, there are healthy approaches to deal with such people and even learn from them. Popularly known as frenemies, these individuals are more common than we think. We’ve all come across one or been one at times. In this week’s blog, I share ways to handle such harmful friendships that can leave us reeling, confused, and regretful.
Compassion
Frenemies aren’t born that way. Their experiences, insecurities, and environment have played a heavy hand in shaping their personalities and actions. When encountering them, it helps tremendously to come from a place of compassion. When we make a conscious effort to understand such people, it becomes easier to maintain our boundaries and still treat them with kindness.
If you have a questionable friend in your life, then pause and reflect on their actions and words so you can see past their toxic façade. Once you look beyond their armor, you will see them for who they are: a soul that needs much healing and help.
Awareness
For a long time, I didn’t know my own boundaries. I wasn’t clear on what was acceptable to me and what wasn’t. When we don’t have a complete understanding of our boundaries, we leave the door wide open for disrespect and disregard.
Take the time to identify how you wish to be treated so you can then begin to treat yourself that way. Respect and understanding start with positive self-talk and self-compassion before they can be expected of anyone else.
Once you set that tone with yourself, it helps recognize any transgressions and contempt directed at you. You then lead from a place of awareness to proactively ensure your boundaries are intact.
Define
In your book, what is the definition of a good friendship? Pinpoint the qualities and non-negotiables you seek. Equally important is to be willing to offer and maintain the standards you seek.
The key is to identify the qualities that will form the foundation of your friendship. The rest is merely fluff. Friendships are an integral part of our lives, so the bedrock has to be rock solid to survive misunderstandings, miles, and mistakes. So, figure out those requirements for a lasting foundation. In my case, confidentiality, zero judgment, and humor are a few of the key strengths that form the best of my friendships.
Bottomline, answer this question honestly and thoughtfully: How do you want a good friend to make you feel?
Decide
Only you can determine the types of friendships you allow into your world. There are some frenemies who feel harmless, and there are others who can tear apart your sanity and self-esteem. Determine your tolerance level and then proceed.
Decide whether the friendship in question is salvageable, tolerable, or neither. Permit yourself to choose whether to maintain the friendship and to what degree, or whether to cut ties in the best possible way you can. The latter isn’t easy to do, but that is when you choose yourself over someone else. That reason alone is worth the difficult decision you make of gracefully bowing out.
Converse
Like any relationship, a friendship can and will hit a rocky patch. We are quick to discount friendships or people, in general, when there are unaddressed wounds. It will only survive if there is healthy dialogue and honest conversation.
If you find yourself reconsidering a friendship, then put in the effort and do justice by it. Cutting off people is easy but working for the survival of a friendship is a difficult but, sometimes, worthwhile commitment.
As you work through the tough times, remember that it’s an opportunity for you to lay out the cards on the table. This effort is vulnerability as its best as you unguardedly share your emotions.
Eventually, if this is a friendship worth holding on to, then the dialogue will lead to positive outcomes; otherwise, you know that you made the effort, but it’s time to let the ship sail.
Forgive
Be aware of the part you play. The good, bad, or ugly in our lives is not simply a result of circumstances and others. We play a role in how we handle what happens to us. Our reactions, interactions, and choices all have an impact.
If you’re reconsidering a questionable friendship, then think about your role in the relationship honestly and compassionately. Only then will you be in a position to forgive and move on. Without forgiveness, there is no room for possible reconciliation or closure. Furthermore, this forgiveness might save a friendship that might otherwise be doomed.
Expand
Comfort zones are limiting if they don’t have an expiration date. It is fabulous to have your childhood friends and friends who are like family, but never stop connecting. It is possible to nurture those relationships and make room for new ones.
Expand your circle of friends as you never know who might magically become an integral part of your life. Every relationship, including friendships, teaches us more about ourselves. It is an avenue of self-discovery and awareness. Add fun and laughter to that mix and you have found yourself a new friend.
Frenemies will come and go. Over time, as you get to know, love, and respect yourself, you will identify these individuals and learn how to maneuver your relationship with them sooner. You will know who can and cannot be a part of your cocoon and when to say good-bye to those who have no right to be a part of it. Until then, hold on tight to the friendships that matter💞.
As always, I am here to support you all the way. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
My guide to create your vision available here: https://fierce-originator-1156.ck.page/fb87324085
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Check out this week’s wellness video content on YouTube: How to Manage Your Time When You’re Stressed
All the best,
Chaitni