Sometimes, nothing makes me happy. Not even my favorite being in the world, Coco, my senior pup. On those days, I feel unsettled and restless. I try to find happiness or chase it in food, control, productivity, or the next thing on my to-do list. The more I hunt for it, the more elusive it becomes. And […]
Have You Seen My Happiness? Read More »
On Saturday night, I got into an argument with Lola. She was loud, persistent, and almost convincing. The more she spoke, the smaller I felt. My chest tightened. My heart raced. My thoughts spiraled. I could feel myself moving closer and closer to that familiar place where everything feels impossible and giving up seems like the only
My Conversation with Lola Read More »
Is there a past version of yourself that you miss? Not all of you, but fragments of you. Certain moments, habits, feelings, or memories that still make you pause nostalgically for a second before reality settles back in. I feel that way sometimes. There are versions of myself that were unhealthy, emotionally disconnected, avoidant, or surviving in ways
One night this past week, as I was getting ready for bed, I had a thought that felt absurd and painfully familiar at the same time: What had I even done today? I immediately began defending myself in my own head. I reminded myself that I had gone grocery shopping, spent time with my mother, and finished a self-help video. I
The Rest I Couldn’t Justify Read More »
A recurring theme in my life has been the belief that I only had myself. I didn’t know what it was like to have a rock-solid support system during difficult times, so I learned early on that I would have to figure things out alone. Over time, that belief became less of a coping mechanism
Thanks, But I’ve Got This Read More »
Growing up, perfectionism and hard work were revered in my home. The unspoken rule was simple: if you do something, do it “right” or don’t do it at all. There was very little room for error. And if a mistake happened, I hoped, almost prayed, that it would go unnoticed. That kind of environment doesn’t
The Mid-Air Miracle Read More »
I have a move coming up in less than a week. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve moved in my life, but it’s a number that’s almost half my age. In just the last four years, I’ve moved three times. Relocation, for better or worse, has been one of the constants in my
There are moments when something from the past resurfaces out of nowhere. There is no clear trigger or obvious reason for it; nevertheless, it’s a memory that is vivid enough to pull you back in time and make you feel something you thought you had moved past. That happened to me this past week. At
The (unhelpful) Criticism Read More »
Do you ever procrastinate even when you know how much better you’ll feel once the thing is done? But you still delay it, avoid it, and find multiple excuses to do it at a better time. Over the last couple of weeks, I found myself in exactly that place. I dug my heels in about
Avoiding the Inevitable Read More »
I stood in the laundry room holding a damp shirt and crying like something catastrophic had happened. It was my husband’s favorite shirt. I had ruined it in the wash. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t upset. He has never once made me feel small over a mistake like that. He is kind. He is forgiving.
My Crooked Progress Read More »
