The other day, I was listening to the radio. The song that was playing reminded me of another song I liked back in my late teens. It was a popular song from 2000 and still carries deep nostalgia for me. Coincidentally, the band behind it is also associated with one of my first professional rejections during my final year in college. In this week’s blog, I share that incident and why it matters. I tell you this story to remind you that your worth is never tied to outcomes. In fact, career related rejections are fairly common. Although they are crushing, they don’t define you, your abilities, or potential in life.
As a teenager, I was extremely fond of a Pakistani boy band duo called Strings. I enjoyed their music and listened to their songs often. At that time, my exposure to global music was limited: I predominantly listened to Indian music and Strings. This was around the time I moved from India to the States and was a freshman in high school. Back then, my taste in music and my lack of knowledge of the songs my peers listened to felt like a massive personal shortcoming. To make up for it, I would attempt to listen to songs on the radio, but I couldn’t connect. It was futile, because, somehow, I would go back to the songs that felt familiar and like home. So, I just lived with my choice and made a conscious effort to not discuss or engage in any conversation involving music. That was my way of not feeling or looking like a fish out of water.
Along the way, I picked up a few popular songs, but even in college, my iPod mostly consisted of Indian and a few other South Asian songs. By then, I stopped trying so hard to acclimatize myself with the songs and artists of my heyday. Before I knew it, I was in my final year at college with job recruitment season in full swing. I applied to several companies, but none of it was going as planned. I received a couple of offers from companies that I turned down, and majority companies turned me down.
In the midst of that, I finally caught a break and made it further along in the interview process with a company well known for its golf and country clubs. There were several hiccups along the way. The first was when I had the first-round interview on campus. One of the behavioral questions asked of me was about a time when I overcame a difficult situation. I shared my prepared answer about a recent research paper I submitted.
I’d pulled an all-nighter to complete said research paper, but it did not go as planned. I had all the necessary material that I needed for the paper, including books from the library and other pertinent material. In my wildest dreams, I hadn’t anticipated the most relevant pages being ripped out of one of primary books I needed to complete the paper. I couldn’t believe my terrible luck, but I didn’t have time to dwell. The clock was ticking, and I was going to submit a well-researched, thoughtfully written paper no matter what. I powered through the night, did my best, and handed in the paper.
When I shared that incident, the immediate response from the interviewers was that I should’ve possibly planned better and not waited till the last minute to complete this assignment. Fair enough. I wasn’t partying or shirking my duties as they might have assumed. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Somewhere with work, projects, 22 credits, job applications, interviews, and limited sleep, I completed the paper when it was feasible. I didn’t bother clarifying that I was loading up on credits to graduate in three years for financial reasons. I simply nodded my head and acknowledged they were right. Something that came naturally to me back then. For what it’s worth, I did exceptionally well on that paper.
I figured I bombed the interview, but, surprisingly, I cleared that round and moved on to the next crucial round, which consisted of on-site interviews and a short stay at one of the company’s country clubs. I was nervous for a couple of reasons, namely my poor track record of job offers and feeling like a perpetual outsider at such events. As a minority, it was impossible for me to not feel that way, especially in the early 2000s.
I carried that nervousness as I arrived at the country club along with other candidates. Once I checked into my room, full-blown panic set in. Upon reviewing the agenda for the stay, I noticed that some of the other guests were a few professors, and their spouses, from my college. Among the names was one that was all too familiar: my marketing professor. I thought I was going to vomit.
Her name stood out, because I’d asked her for a recommendation letter to submit for a merit award application that I was considering. It was a long shot, but I’d braved the request regardless. She politely declined my request, because she didn’t think I was qualified. That e-mail correspondence had taken place mid-semester, but it still stung.
I felt so small the moment I read her name that all I wanted to do was book a flight back to campus. Nevertheless, I shed a few tears and pulled myself together. If I wasn’t on edge already, matters got worse. Along with a few other candidates from my school, I was seated at the same table as this woman, her husband, and other faculty from my school during the gala dinner. I prayed the earth would open up and swallow me whole. Of course, that didn’t happen, but I’m thankful that my interaction with her or anyone else at the table was far from awkward.
My self-inflicted humiliation continued into the night. During dinner, the company invited all the interviewees to the stage for a Q&A game. It was meant to be an icebreaker where the host asked every candidate a question from a list to get to know them. The questions were randomly picked and ranged from most memorable vacation to favorite music. I was dreading the question about music, but I was on a roll that trip, so I ended up with that exact question. My confidence was at an all-time low. For the life of me, I could not think of a single song or artist band besides Strings. That was my response, and, as I expected, I was asked more about it, since nobody had heard of them. I quickly told them it was a Pakistani band. I doubt there was a single South Asian in that room besides myself.
My low self-esteem was a major reason for wanting to be invisible back then. I never wanted to draw undue attention to myself. I thought that being a transplant meant I was seen as an imposter.
I was so relieved when the weekend ended. I hadn’t felt like myself at all. When I look back, I know that most of the insecurities and embarrassment I experienced were my own undoing. The more I projected, the more uncomfortable I became. I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t get the job. Of course, my ego was bruised, but there was also a part of me that knew that working for that company was not going to be a good fit for me.
Even though my job prospects felt hopeless, it all worked out in the end. I landed on my feet with a well-paying job in my field and I worked my way to do what I initially wanted to do back then. The point is that most of what happened before and during the interview process did not matter in the long term. I learnt some lessons, which I desperately needed, and I also realized that forcing myself to be or do something that felt inauthentic was never going to work out for me. No matter how badly I wanted it. I was an introverted, depressed, hardworking 21-year-old figuring out how to make it professionally. I wish I’d been nicer to myself when I faced multiple rejections.
Whether you’ve faced rejection professionally or personally, please accept that it doesn’t make you, you. It doesn’t mean that better options don’t await you. It doesn’t mean that you won’t find your way. You are allowed to give up on everyone and everything else but yourself. In fact, these doors that have closed will lead you toward opportunities that are a better match for who you are becoming.
As always, I am here to support you all the way. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
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All the best,
Chaitni