For many people, especially women, caring for others comes more naturally than caring for ourselves. Sometimes we even pride ourselves in being everything to everyone by striving to be the best at every role we play; however, the real challenge lies in taking care of ourselves. When we don’t take the time to nurture our needs and desires, it doesn’t take long to get lost in others’ priorities, worries, and expectations. These combinations may belong to work, family, and even philanthropy. Over the last several months, I had become one of those people who had gotten sucked into everyone else’s world but my own. As a result, it felt like I was constantly giving from an empty tank leaving me frustrated and fed up. In my head, my life became all about everyone else but me. Finally, last month, I decided to stop wallowing and start doing to change my circumstances and mental state. I reckoned that if I didn’t, I would spiral quickly, and it would be harder to come out of that valley. In this week’s bog, I share how I’ve slowly started to give more to myself, and how that’s helped me feel more connected, happy, and, frankly, sane!
The last time I had my monthly meltdown of feeling sidelined in my own life, my husband and I brainstormed some ways for me to get back on track. I was losing touch with Chaitni, and from history, I knew that was a recipe for disaster. My husband made a few suggestions, and one stuck with me: He mentioned joining garba classes until Navratri.
Let me break this down. Garba is an Indian folk dance that is performed during the Navratri festival of nine nights in honor of one of the Hindu goddesses. It is one of the major festivals of the state where I reside, and it is celebrated with reverence, passion, and dance. Garba classes typically run annually from June through October or November, depending on when Navratri takes place based on the Hindu calendar.
I was a tad late to the game, but I worked up my courage and signed up for garba lessons close to my home. I’ve partaken in Navratri only a handful of times in my life, so I was a novice at garba. My first day of class was terrible. I felt humiliated, overwhelmed, and alone. There were about 15 students there, and they had started classes much earlier. They knew each other and had formed a bond after a month or so of practicing and learning together.
That first day, I was learning the basics, which I couldn’t get right. I kept trying but couldn’t get the steps down. At one point, the instructor marched me to the center of the circle (garba is performed in a circle) to practice what she’d taught me 2 minutes prior. I was so nervous and embarrassed that I kept goofing up, which annoyed and frustrated the instructor more. Eventually, after an hour, which felt like eternity, I went back home. My husband called to ask how it went, and I couldn’t stop crying.
I came home in tears, and after a loving pep talk from my family, I calmed down. They were supportive and understanding and told me that if I didn’t wish to go back, it was not a big deal. I’ve never been one to give up on myself or others and with some encouragement from my husband, I decided my next course of action. I chose to approach the instructor the next day and let her know that I felt hurt and disheartened with how she treated me. I also told her that if teaching an amateur such as myself wasn’t her cup of tea, then I could always go elsewhere. Initially, she brushed off her behavior but came around and apologized. She mentioned her tenure and her reputation of being extremely patient with all ages and abilities of students, including children. After my conversation with her, I gave garba another chance, but I changed my class time. I went an hour later, where I felt more at par with the students and skill level. Most of those students were 4 children below the age of 10. That was perfect for me, because they turned out to be the best teachers and fellow students.
I’ve grown fond of those children, and I feel so indebted to them for patiently guiding me and welcoming me into their fold. On a few days when the instructor was preoccupied with another cohort, these same children taught me and helped me advance my garba skills.
I have no grudge or negative feelings towards my instructor after I said what needed to be said. Moreover, I’ve realized that her way of teaching isn’t bad, it’s just different. I’ve since fallen in love with my garba classes and progressively learnt more complicated steps. For me, the hour or hour and a half that I spend dancing is time I give to myself. I come back exhausted but exhilarated. I get to associate with the sweetest and kindest kids; I get to learn a new art; and I get to grow as a person interacting with the locals.
Around the same time as starting garba, I also rejoined my art classes. I stopped going a year ago for many reasons, which had nothing to do with the institute or my teacher. Nevertheless, quitting midway for reasons that were temporary weighed on me. I finally took the plunge and contacted my teacher to ask if I could pick back up where I left off. He was warm and considerate as ever and ready to welcome me as his student.
It’s not that I have all the time in the world to indulge in these activities that make me feel whole again, but I’ve chosen to make time for them. By doing so, I have prioritized my well-being, which was badly needed. I still give a large part of myself to my work and family, but it finally feels healthy to also give to myself. Caring for myself through dance and art make me feel less fragmented. These hobbies have also been humbling reminding me that the learning never stops. There will always be someone more talented than me, so all I can do is work hard at what matters.
Giving and nurturing comes naturally to many of us, especially the empaths, but that gets exhausting. I shared this life of my life with you, so you at least think of finding and making time to whatever makes you whole and like yourself again. Whether you pursue a passion or purpose, please don’t allow life to get in the way of being your best version. You deserve it, and, yes, you can make time for it. Do it before it’s too late, because self-care is more than bubble baths and face masks.
**In continuation of this theme of self-care, I’ll be taking the next week off, but I’ll catch you with the next wellness video or blog very soon 😊
As always, I am here to support you all the way, my brave soul. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
My guide to creating your vision available here: https://fierce-originator-1156.ck.page/fb87324085
All the best,
Chaitni