I often get asked what my name means, and to this day, I’m momentarily stuck trying to figure out how to best explain its meaning. That question holds little appeal to me, because what intrigues me more is that my parents didn’t name me. I was christened by my father’s dear friend and mentor, Dr. Desai. Unfortunately, he is no more, but he had a profound and positive impact on my father, and, subsequently, our family life. In this week’s blog, I share how the only way to feel that life and luck are on our side is by learning to accept ever-evolving relationships. The sooner we accept that every relationship fulfills its destiny and no more, the sooner we make peace with the finite roles they might play in our lives.
Not too long ago, my family and I hosted a small and intimate social gathering celebrating a special occasion in the family. Dr. Desai’s younger son and his wife made it a point to be there personally. They travelled from another city, mingled humbly, and partook in the festivities. As I thought about that day, I realized that a bond that was established almost 40 years ago between my father and Dr. Desai had only strengthened over time. It filled my heart with deep joy and gratitude that some of his family members chose to be a part of our celebration.
As I admired them for standing by us in the years past, I realized that relationships are a mixed bag of chips. Some bonds last a lifetime. They strengthen, mature, and help us be our best self. On the flip side, there are relations, sometimes those bound by blood, that start off strong but break or become disjointed beyond repair. Divorce can be like that. Some friendships that turn sour fall into the latter category as well. Bonds with siblings, cousins, and other family members might take a turn for the worse. Be it a clash of egos, stories, or actions, these relations are never the same again. We’ve seen it all happen too many times.
At first, it was hard not to take the changing relationships personally. It was all too easy to feel abandoned and unwanted; however, with time, I’ve learnt that every relationship serves its purpose, but more importantly, every relationship changes with time. The negative thoughts, bitterness, or sadness when these connections change can be minimized if we learn to accept that they are meant to transition. Change must be seen as par for the course rather than an impediment.
I have stopped mourning relationships where people chose to walk away from my life or where I chose to distance myself from them. The timing and need for this change felt difficult in the moment but when I evaluate what happened, I know it is for the best. Instead of yearning for what was, we can cherish the fond memories that we were lucky enough to build with these people. In some cases, we can consider holding on to the lessons that their actions and behaviors taught us to wise up and sort ourselves out. In other circumstances, we must accept the need to show up as better people in our relationships.
Change in a relationship doesn’t always mean the death of it. If it is worth fighting for, all the parties involved will make the effort. They will understand, compromise, and grow from the difficulties. Any relationship that only witnesses highs is bound to end disastrously, because it is surviving under false pretenses. A relationship formed on a shaky foundation has too many vulnerabilities that might get the better of it.
I’ve known one of my best friends since 1st grade. There was a time when we had a falling out and stopped talking. There was a time when we argued over text. There was a time when we reconciled over email. In all this time, we’ve matured as individuals and friends. Over the years and the course of disagreements, we’ve discovered how to best be there for each other. We continue to make the choice to show up as better friends for one another.
Even with relationships that thrive, sometimes it’s hard to keep up with change. We get used to being a certain way and expect others to be a certain way that when either or both parties’ transition, we question the relationship. It is human nature to struggle with changing relationships, but it is also human nature to change with time, circumstance, and trauma. This is when it is hardest to understand the change and decide how to continue being true to ourselves and to the relationship.
I have a close friend from whom I haven’t heard in a long time. I’ve reached out and inquired about this individual, but there hasn’t been much of a response. I am not sure why, but knowing me, I will reach out to bridge the gap because this is a relationship that matters to me. In the interim, I am doing my best to accept that people and relations change. This person might be dealing with stressors or life events that I am not aware of. Maybe this person no longer wishes to stay connected with me, and that is a painful truth that I must respectfully accept. For now, I will let the speculations rest and keep sending this person my love and my best.
The amount changing relationships impact us has much to do with the relationship we share with ourselves. The stronger that bond, the easier it gets to understand and maneuver the change in others. When there is love and appreciation for us, a tethered or untethered relationship will still leave us whole. We might temporarily lose our way, but it won’t take long to return home to ourselves.
Relationships, in general, can be a landmine at times. On occasion, it will feel that a relationship took more than it gave in return, or it gave you everything. Others will fall somewhere in between. Under all of these circumstances, the only part that is in our control is to accept the change and choose how to manage it.
As always, I am here to support you all the way, my brave soul. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
My guide to creating your vision available here: https://fierce-originator-1156.ck.page/fb87324085
Check out this week’s wellness video content on YouTube: How to Beat Procrastination
All the best,
Chaitni