Three years ago, I trusted someone new in my life in a whole different capacity. Then, two years ago, that same person broke my trust in what felt like an irreparable way. In hindsight, this breach was a blessing in disguise, because it led to major positive changes in my life. It took me a long time to recover from the initial shock of the entire episode. I am still working on rebuilding my trust to levels prior to the heartbreak. As of now, there are some cracks that need sealing, but they are not as prominent or numerous. In this week’s blog, I share how I am learning to trust life and others again. I hope my insights help you or a loved one renew their trust in all things good.
One of the first steps towards reestablishing trust was figuring out how to forgive myself. I was enraged for not having known any better. Somewhere, I have prided myself on being a decent judge of character, so how could I have failed this time? The anger and disappointment stayed with me for months. Those emotions wore me down. I finally reached a point where I had no more rage left in me. It was then that I chose to work on forgiveness.
I also realized that part of the process was enduring the negative emotions. No matter how much those reactions hurt and made me uncomfortable, I had to work through them. Only then did I consider forgiveness as an option.
The next step in learning to trust again was asking the right questions. I had to switch from a self-pitying mindset to one where I identified the lessons being taught. As clarity gradually re-emerged, I wondered how I could do things differently in the future. I asked myself tough questions and compassionately became more honest with myself. I took counsel of my well-wishers to gain insight as to how I could grow and heal. I wallowed without a time limit, but then came the moment of reckoning, which involved plenty of real questions and answers.
After I processed the majority of what occurred, I focused on meeting my potential. It was easy to sulk and push off my aspirations, but the more I accepted the circumstances and listened to my heart, the more strongly I pursued my dreams. I finally had the bandwidth to focus on other important parts of my life besides the one that had sucked everything of me.
I remembered that my purpose for years had been to change my life for the better. I rekindled the relentless drive to work on being the best version of myself, no matter how hard, and never settling for mediocrity. The more I spent time on what mattered to me, the more fulfilled and aligned I became. The more I accomplished and overcame my challenges, the more confidence and trust I regained in myself.
A major part of trusting again was seeing the bigger picture. After every crying spell, bout of anger, or drowning sadness, I told myself to have faith. I reiterated that a better plan was in store for me than the one I was mourning. I believed that the plan would only come to fruition after I had endured and learnt the lessons meant for me. I was aware that the picture would be made clear to me when it was time – not a moment sooner. I had to hang in there day after day and trust that good things would come my way again. This piece was critical in restoring faith. I accepted that our destiny is only revealed to us bit by bit. Until then, all we can do is take it one day at a time.
With progress came certainty. I started listening to my gut again and never gave up on my intuition. The more I stuck to my healthy coping mechanisms, the more coherent my thoughts felt. It was then when I made the life changing decision of relocating to India to be with my family.
In the last year or so, Coco and I have gotten unconditional love from family and new friends. My parents have supported me endlessly on the difficult days when Coco’s health suffered. They have made multiple trips to the vet and patiently consoled me. I’ve had an army by my side when my father was hospitalized. I’ve found the kind of love that I only thought existed in my dreams. Imagine, if I had ignored my gut, I would have missed out on the abundance of love that has come my way.
A part of trusting again was strengthening the level of trust with my parents and close friends. I shared more with my parents and learnt to communicate with them, which I stopped doing decades ago. I had become so good at only showing them the happiest version of my life, but I finally allowed them to help me heal the wounds. I leaned on my dearest friends and shared parts that felt damaged and worthless. I stopped worrying about being thought of poorly by these friends. I had to trust that the friendship of years would not dissipate with my vulnerability.
I continue rebuilding my trust. It’s a journey that will take time, but I’m patient. I still have periods of doubt, especially being in an unfamiliar environment. I still have days when sleeping next to someone, including my significant other, makes me anxious. I still have days when I torture myself thinking I deserved what happened to me. Then sense and kindness kick in, and I hold my head high and return to strengthening my trust. I know I am not alone when it comes to having my trust shattered, so no matter where you are in your journey to rebuilding yours, I wish you consider yourself worthy of trusting again – yourself and others.
As always, I am here to support you all the way, my brave soul. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
My guide to creating your vision available here: https://fierce-originator-1156.ck.page/fb87324085
Check out this week’s wellness video content on YouTube: How to Feel Less Lonely
All the best,
Chaitni