Last week, I was tasked with a responsibility that I haven’t undertaken in many years. It may not seem like a big deal, but I had to oversee the family restaurant while the family was out. Typically, I spend time at the restaurant to help on the busier days or as an alternative workspace on the slower days. This time it was different as I was the only family member in charge. I felt anxious and overwhelmed, and I ran through all the worst-case scenarios in my head from staff no-call, no-shows to running out of supplies and ingredients. The day finally arrived, and it was eventful, but I survived the adventure. In this week’s blog, I share how we are allowed to be stressed, how we can destigmatize the stigmas associated with that stress, and how we can face such situations without losing complete sleep over them.
I noticed my rising stress levels as the date to manage the restaurant approached. I wasn’t sleeping well, and I was catastrophizing. The constant worry was taking a toll on me physically and mentally. I didn’t want to spend the days leading up to the date feeling this way. That was when I decided that I had to tackle this nervous energy differently, because I wasn’t getting anywhere by stressing over what could or would happen.
When my anxiety and negative talk rose, I realized that the feelings of hopelessness and fear also rose. In fact, I felt resigned to my fate and ego: On the one hand, I was the only person who could look after the restaurant, and on the other, I wasn’t going to say no, because that’s not me. When I took more of a solutions-based approach instead of a worried approach, I reckoned that I could change the narrative in my head.
I thought of empathy, which is my strength and value as a result of my mental health struggles. Empathy was the reason I had stepped up and let my family know that they could take this time away to manage their other priorities. If I didn’t empathize with their needs, I would have said no. I had reassured them repeatedly that they could go without any guilt or concerns, so I went back to why I said yes in the first place. The answer was loud and clear that it was to love them and support them. Remembering my “why” during this uncomfortable situation gave me perspective.
My next thought was to ask myself why I was so afraid to be in charge. The only answer that occurred to me was that it was my first time at this restaurant, and I’ve never been a fan of the restaurant business. I understood those reasons, but I also countered them with facts that the restaurant business wasn’t new to me, and the responsibilities were temporary.
I remembered that most of my weekends and holidays in high school were spent helping or running the show at my parents’ restaurant. I wondered if I could do it then, why couldn’t I now? It was a different place and time, but not that drastically different. Also, my career started off in hospitality management where I spent countless hours managing people and hotel operations. The more I thought of my experience and skill set, the more I began to feel better equipped.
I started telling myself that there would be uncertainties, and nothing was predictable, but whatever it was, I’d manage it. I repeatedly told myself to expect the unexpected. That wasn’t me catastrophizing but recognizing that I cannot control what is to happen and by being mentally prepared, I can do as much as possible to control my reaction.
Once those concerns were out of the way, I panicked about how I would manage my household chores and my time with Coco, my pup. Then, it dawned on me that Coco is a trooper in any situation, and he wouldn’t fuss about spending time at the restaurant. Also, I knew that I had back-up, my parents, in the event he was uncomfortable or unhappy. They would’ve happily watched him for me.
How easily I forgot that I didn’t have to do it all on my own! In fact, my mother stayed in touch with me throughout the day, and she sent over lunch (ironic, I know, but I love home food) with my father, who kept me company through the afternoon. Also, I was in amazing hands at the restaurant itself with an experienced and hard-working team. When I stopped expending all my energy worrying about what would or could happen on my day at the restaurant, I stopped thinking of it as a problem. The less it was a problem, the more I focused on the help I had and all that could go right.
I wanted to approach my stress differently this time, so instead of running away from the nervousness, I leaned into it. Additionally, I accepted that leaning into the stress wouldn’t make it disappear, but at least I would be able to better cope with it.
Unsurprisingly, I didn’t sleep well the night before I was to take charge. When I woke up, I was exhausted, but I told myself that I was going to make the most of it. The day was a challenge and not a threat. I would do my best and rise to the challenge with a smile, so I wouldn’t regret or detest every minute of my day.
As it turned out, the day went smoothly, and I made the most of it. Somehow, my night ended with a sore throat and a fever. To top it off, my in-laws who were to return early the next morning and help me with the restaurant didn’t make it in until the following afternoon. I didn’t panic or worry, because expecting the unexpected was my mantra.
My reminder to you is that we all run into situations that stress us out. That stress escalates when we focus on the problems, self-criticism, and undue pressure to do it alone. Instead, try accepting uncertainties; try challenging and not threatening yourself; and try leaning on your people, present, and true priorities.
As always, I am here to support you all the way, my brave soul. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
My guide to creating your vision available here: https://fierce-originator-1156.ck.page/fb87324085
All the best,
Chaitni