Our bodies are an easy target. I know mine is. Unfortunately, at times, it’s my own personal punching bag. I am learning to love and appreciate it, but it’s not a straightforward process. Sometimes, junk food feels like the perfect balm to my feelings; at other times, no food and more sleep feel like the answer to my low state of mind. These extremes are infrequent, but they do occur. On the other hand, it saddens and infuriates me when I hear my mother, mother-in-law (MIL), and most women of that generation talk poorly and mockingly of their bodies. It is often laced with shame, disappointment, and, on occasion, even loathing. In this week’s blog, I share how there is a story behind every body – regardless of gender or sexual orientation. If we open our hearts and minds enough to truly understand those stories, we’d be less judgmental of others’ appearances as well as ours. This acceptance can allow us to welcome the differences, get curious about them, and see people beyond their exterior.
Not too long ago, a family member told my mother in a public setting how she needed to do something about her weight. He went on to announce how he’d never seen her like “this” where her body had completely transformed for the worse. Firstly, I was shocked that someone would consider it their place to pass such judgments. Secondly, I was hurt and angry on my mother’s behalf, because this person had no idea what her miraculous body had achieved. The scars and trauma would obviously remain invisible to this individual. My mother didn’t fight the opinion and solemnly agreed. She then fell silent for most of the night. I was crestfallen for her.
A few days later, my mom and I revisited the incident. She told me how awful and frustrated she felt about herself and her body. In my own way, I calmed her down and reminded her of all the battles her body had fought to make it this far in life.
My mother has had her share of turmoil that will never fully leave in this lifetime. Moreover, my mother is a survivor and a fighter. She has lost so much but she’s still standing taller and stronger than ever. From losing her babies to her home, she has seen it all. There is no way her body will look the same after all that she’s endured. As a matter of fact, none of our bodies can. Man or woman, our bodies are allowed to change, and they will.
Our bodies hold many secrets and stories. We have the choice to either understand those secrets and stories or simply judge the body that holds them. When we shame our bodies and others’, we don’t change; in fact, we find comforts, mostly unhealthy, to stay the way we are. Until and unless we dedicate time, energy, and our whole selves to healing, the pain settles into permanent residency.
A few days ago, my mother-in-law shared how much her body has changed, and there are people who give her a hard time for it. To me, she’s a mountain that’s still standing strong and determined after weathering the worst storms. She is fearless, full of faith, and intelligent. She is the glue that keeps the business and the family together. And yet, there are days when she is mired with insecurities and self-deprecating humor towards her body.
My examples are of the women I spent majority of my time with, but I trust that men come across their own versions of such harmful criticism. The related pressure, disgust, and frustration affect them as well.
Society has conditioned us to think and feel a certain way about bodies, but if we wish to see a change within ourselves then we also need to question the insecurities that society has piled upon us.
If we judge our own bodies and others this much, all we will be capable of doing is hiding behind them through unhealthy coping mechanisms. Our bodies will only learn to protect us against our own harshness and unkind treatment.
I’d like to point out that I am not supporting obesity or harmful weight gain, because those situations are dangerous and deadly. Quite literally. Nevertheless, what I am proposing is seeing someone for who they are to help them change into the person they wish to be. People want to change for the better, but we cannot shame them into doing so.
I’m also not a proponent of avoiding or ignoring healthy feedback. For example, I recently coaxed my husband into committing the cardinal sin in a relationship: discussing my weight. He was so afraid to tell me that I had put on a few pounds around my belly, but I wasn’t too surprised, because I’ve felt that myself. Some of my clothes feel tighter, and I feel heavier, so I’m working on my habits and lifestyle.
Nonetheless, the moral of the story is that we cannot be afraid to speak our mind about such sensitive topics. Since the perception of weight on us and others is subjective, observing and forming an opinion can be tricky but not impossible. Tact and not forming unsolicited opinions can be helpful.
Ultimately, if we can get to know the person behind our body size, we can stop discounting our efforts and emotions. Once we do so, we can learn to do the same with others.
As always, I am here to support you all the way, my brave soul. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
My guide to creating your vision available here: https://fierce-originator-1156.ck.page/fb87324085
UPDATE: The wellness videos aren’t going anywhere, but they’ll be out every other week 😊
All the best,
Chaitni