I’ve never really believed in New Year’s resolutions. The few times I tried to make them, they felt disconnected, almost phony. I never understood why we wait for one year to end and another to begin before giving ourselves permission to change. I believe growth can happen the moment we decide it matters. That said, I hold no judgment for anyone who loves resolutions. Over the last few days, as I reflected on my own resistance to them, I found myself walking a different path. Instead of goals, I started thinking about guidance and the solid advice I’ve received over the years. Some of it found me unexpectedly; some came from family, friends, mentors, and life itself. These words have stayed with me. They have shaped how I live. And whenever I stray from them, I feel it. This week’s blog is a sharing of a few of those quiet gems that helped me heal, become more resilient, more grounded, and more accepting of myself. Take what resonates. Leave what doesn’t. And if there’s a piece of advice that’s served you well, I hope you’ll pass it on. It’s through this exchange of wisdom that we become kinder, wiser, and more connected.
“Follow your heart.” – My father
My father shared this with me in my early 30s, during a time when I felt deeply broken. I remember thinking it was meaningless advice, because I was someone who couldn’t do anything right, so how could following my heart possibly help? In hindsight, his words have been the most valuable advice I have ever received. Little did I know then that this advice would become the key to my healing.
What I didn’t understand back then was that following my heart didn’t mean impulsively chasing feelings. It meant turning toward what lived inside my heart, acknowledging what was buried, accepting it, working through it, and slowly releasing what no longer served me.
It meant making thoughtful decisions, owning both the outcomes and the lessons, and learning to forgive myself. Most importantly, it meant extending myself the same compassion I gave so freely to others.
If following your heart feels confusing or risky, start by asking yourself what’s actually there. Be honest. Be curious. Dig until you reach the truth, and then look for a way through it, not around it, especially in cultures where log kya kahenge (“what will people say”) can feel louder than your own voice.
“Learn to be a little selfish.” – My uncle
This advice might seem controversial, but your opinion of it depends heavily on your perception of it. It came during my divorce, when I felt an overwhelming need to prove that I wasn’t a bad or selfish person. I was torn between choosing myself or choosing the people I loved even though choosing them was slowly erasing me.
I don’t know exactly how my uncle meant it, but I heard it as permission to prioritize my needs. I came to understand selfishness not as disregard for others, but as self-love: boundaries, compassion, and choosing alignment over approval.
Choosing yourself isn’t about bulldozing others. It’s about survival, healing, and growth. When you choose yourself enough times, you don’t have less to give, you have more. Until you learn to choose yourself over and over again, you haven’t healed. That’s not selfish. That’s how you thrive.
“There are 33 crore demigods in the universe. Be careful what you wish for.” – My grandmother
This old Gujarati saying is something my grandmother often shares with my mother who, in turn, repeats it to me. The statement implies that our frequent thoughts – good or bad – have the power to come true. It’s a reminder to be mindful of our thoughts, because what we dwell on has a way of shaping our reality.
It’s not about toxic positivity or denying pain. It’s about noticing when we get stuck in cycles of anger, envy, hopelessness, or self-blame. Thoughts like “life is unfair” or “why does this keep happening tome” can quietly keep us stuck.
Awareness creates choice. From there comes reframing, acceptance, and a search for solutions: small ones, imperfect ones, but forward-moving ones.
“If someone doesn’t talk to me, it’s okay. I’ll focus on the people who do.” – A family member
This landed during a painful post-divorce chapter when I had a rare moment of vulnerability. For years, I’d been collateral damage in my extended family’s ongoing drama. It showed up as being ignored, forgotten, and isolated by certain family members. They’d “forget” to invite me; they’d say hello to everyone around me, including my ex-husband, but look through me; they’d play underhanded games to make me feel left out in any way they could. There was gaslighting and ghosting even before they were a thing. During those years, all I wanted was to belong and be a part of what I thought family meant: love, support, and warmth. Unfortunately, I felt the opposite majority of the time, and I wondered what I’d done to deserve such an outpouring of hate from these family members. I never discussed it with anyone, because it was pointless. I accepted that if I couldn’t stand up for myself, I had to endure it.
Then, one day, I let these feelings slip at my cousin’s home while I was visiting her. I wondered out loud why these family members behaved this way and how it hurt me. My cousin’s husband, whom I’ve always admired and respected, responded with the advice I’ve outlined above.
When he said it then, I shrugged it off as someone who didn’t know what it was like to be on the outskirts. Nevertheless, his words stayed with me. As I learnt to belong to myself and heal, I resonated with what he said. In these power plays, it’s not about you; it’s about the other person, their insecurities, their unresolved trauma, and their misalignment. Not everyone has to like you, but you do have to love you. Belonging begins with you, and from that place, the right people find you. Some of us have the most loving families in the world; some of us have the most toxic but what we all have is the power to choose whom we allow in our lives, where we draw the line, how we lead our lives, and how we let go.
“Chaitni, let sleeping dogs lie” – T & J, my work mentors
This is a famous idiom that my mentors at work told me early on in my career. I was young with much to learn, and this phrase taught me the power of discernment. It taught me how to prioritize, where my voice would be valued, where to not waste my energy, and how to work smart. It wasn’t about coasting, lying or avoiding, but it was about being effective and productive.
I can’t tell you how many times this phrase still plays in my head in my professional and personal lives. It was said to me more than 10 years ago but still guides me to choose my battles wisely. The power to discriminate will leave you feeling grounded, in control, and whole; whereas, when you always wake up the sleeping dog, it will lead to unnecessary heartache, regrets, and wounds.
I’m human, so even with all this advice, I sometimes make mistakes. Regardless, the words of wisdom help me recalibrate, stand back up, and keep going. These statements guide me, because they speak to my morals and values. I connect with them deeply. When I feel lost or overwhelmed, I find myself going back to them, because they meet me where I’m at.
As the new year begins, I invite you to reflect:
What advice has stayed with you?
Who offered it?
Are you living it, or drifting away from it?
What would it look like to return?
In times that feel unclear and unsettled, sometimes guidance, not goals, is what brings us home.
As always, I am here to support you all the way. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
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All the best,
Chaitni