Regrets get more common as we get older. I frequently hear the people around me – old and young – carry some regret or another. Some run deep and feel life altering; whereas, others have less of an impact. I used to drown myself in regrets until I learnt to accept and understand them, and, ultimately, grow from them. I mourned what was not, because that was safer than venturing into what could be. Today, I have a handful of disappointments, but they pale in comparison to the ones I befriended previously. In this week’s blog, I share how to come to terms with our regrets to live a life that feels more intentional and substantial.
I believe that the first rule of thumb to move past regrets is to perceive them realistically. It is imperative to recognize that hindsight is 20/20 as we forget that pearl of wisdom all too often. My mantra to leave regrets in the past is this: In any given moment, we make the absolute best decision possible given our circumstances and knowledge.
The fact of the matter is that none of us know what we are doing. We wake up every single day trying to make it the best we can. There are some people who appear to have it together, but that’s either a façade or a rarity. The majority of us are trying to figure it out every step of the way. There are no detailed instructions on how to live, so then how can we evaluate our actions against some phantom instruction book? When we intricately analyze and comprehend the cause of our regrets, we stop thinking of those events as regrets. We then begin to recognize them as occurrences that build character.
Another important factor that helped me get over regrets is time. We don’t give ourselves or our decisions enough time. Time is independent of our wants and needs, so we cannot determine how long it will take to stop repenting. It may take days, months or even years.
It took me almost 25 years to finally stop mourning my childhood home. I stood in its looming presence this past weekend and felt only gratitude. There was no yearning, remorse, or sadness that it was no longer my home. I was thankful to have enjoyed it for as long as I did. This acceptance took more than two decades, because timelines don’t apply to healing. Allow your regret to run its course, and if you put in the work to move forward, there will come a day when you won’t be haunted by it.
I have also realized that unless a regret is used to propel you forward in the direction of your choosing, it is taking up precious space in your head and heart. Life has no crystal ball; in fact, it is an amalgamation of lessons. The regrets we feel are useless unless we discover new ways of eliminating them in the future. Whether the regret has to do with a personal or professional choice, the only way to let it go is by growing from it; otherwise, it turns into a mistake on repeat. It is only when we open our hearts to fully grasp our regret do we begin to mend our past and move ahead.
Taking responsibility for my feelings and thoughts has helped me better manage my disappointments. When we blame destiny, chance, or others for our regrets, it’s easier to hold on to them. On the contrary, when we see our part in it through forgiveness and compassion, we move ahead choosing to handle such circumstances maturely in the future. True maturity brings with it peace, patience, and fewer disappointments.
One of the most successful ways of overcoming my disappointments has been by finding the silver lining in them. For years, I regretted my major in college and wondered why I had not pursued a different concentration and subsequent career. I used to be envious of others’ passion for their work and sense of fulfillment. Then, it dawned on me that without my experiences in college and work, I would not have formed the relationships that I cherish today. Additionally, I would have never discovered my calling as a health coach and had the will to pursue it relentlessly. Not every destination in life is straightforward; the best ones require plenty of twists and turns.
I am learning that when we live a life that reflects our values and priorities, we automatically minimize the possibility of feeling dismayed. With time, we become strong enough to live such a life. When we consider regrets to be a part of our journey of self-discovery, we become better at not holding on to too many of them.
Over the years, when I’ve been at a crossroads between my ego and true self, I have stopped to ask myself if I will regret my actions and words. If the answer is a resounding yes, it has been easier to curtail my behavior. This questioning is not a guarantee to avoiding regrets, but it works majority of the time. With practice, it gets easier to take a brief pause between emotions and actions to identify whether there will be remorse or not.
To err is human, so, at some point or another, we will experience regrets. Nevertheless, what’s more important is how we choose to turn these regrets into life experiences. Above all, we can be mindful and follow our train of thought closely because regrets pile up. Before we know it, we are living a life full of regrets instead of one that is filled with abundance and calculated risks.
As always, I am here to support you all the way, my brave soul. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
My guide to creating your vision available here: https://fierce-originator-1156.ck.page/fb87324085
Check out this week’s wellness video content on YouTube: How to Live a More Authentic Life
All the best,
Chaitni