My parents ran an Indian fast-food restaurant in Chicago during my teenage years. I spent most weekends there along with holidays and celebrations, including July 4th and Diwali. As a family, our schedule was the exact opposite of most people I knew, because we could never take time off when they did. That’s how the restaurant business works: revenue increases when others are in the mood to spend. Going on a summer vacation was out of the question, because that was peak business season for us. During the school year, I spent a significant amount of time without my parents as they’d be at the restaurant when I got back from school. Being alone didn’t bother me much, but it became a way for me to sink deeper into my depression. As much as I enjoyed helping at the restaurant, I was saddened that we had to work while most others enjoyed their time off. It was then that I swore never to pursue a career in the service industry. In this week’s blog, I share how those plans fell through repeatedly and how I’ve come to terms with that. My reason for sharing is that sometimes what we don’t want most in life somehow makes its way into it. When that happens, it’s easy to feel that we have no choice but to settle; however, that’s merely an illusion.
Believe it or not, after the promise I made myself, I ended up studying hospitality in college. Whilst at university, I worked at the hotel on campus and then when I graduated, I ended up as one of the assistant managers at a hotel in New York City. I spent majority of the day on my feet managing people: guests and the team. I had three different start times throughout the week ranging from 6 am to 2 pm to 9 pm. In other words, I had no life, limited sleep, and plenty of stress. My schedule was so erratic that I lost weight and became increasingly cranky.
Most of my extended family lives in New York, and I never made it to a single family gathering. When they met up during the holidays or weekends, I was busy working. My first year, I worked through Christmas and New Year’s. I dealt with the cantankerous guests and disgruntled employees who had to work during the holidays. Although I pushed my limits at work, I was spectacularly falling apart physically and mentally. A little shy of two years, I moved to another state, took some time off and considered more conducive job opportunities.
All of that went to hell, because the Great Recession hit and I needed to find a job as soon as possible. I landed up at a hotel again and returned to zero work life balance, but I never stopped looking for a way out. Finally, I had a breakthrough. I remained in the hotel business but moved to the corporate side of it where the hours and lifestyle weren’t as brutal for me. I stayed in that area of hospitality for more than a decade until I transitioned to health coaching.
When I moved to India a few years ago, I was already focused on building my health coaching practice, but fate had more in store for me. I fell in love with a restaurateur. When I married him, I couldn’t believe that I had landed exactly where I had decided never to land. In all these years, so much remains unchanged about the hospitality business. For instance, the long and off hours where I don’t see my spouse much; working on the weekends; spending the festivals at the restaurant; catching late night movie shows after closing; hanging out with friends after 10 p.m. or sometimes not making it to see them.
I determined early on that I had no interest in the restaurant business, and yet here I am filling in for my partner and assisting him when needed. I’m back to people management and customer service. I struggled with this reality for almost a year. I felt stuck, frustrated, and angry at times. As someone who thrives on routine, sufficient sleep, and structure, I hadn’t figured out how to find my balance in this scenario. Slowly, I found my way but only after experiencing the difficult emotions, so I could get to the other side of them.
In the last few months, I have consciously worked on moving up my bedtime. It’s still later than when I slept previously, but I make it work; it’s an improvement. Sleeping earlier has forced me to have dinner earlier, which has curtailed my emotionally induced late-night snacking.
I’ve also consciously worked on accepting my life as it stands now. There are days when my anxiety is through the roof, because I’m losing myself in what-ifs and “why me?” monologues. In those moments, when I come up for air, I tap into my faith that when times are tough, the universe provides. The less I resist, the less this feels like a punishment or something I cannot escape no matter what. I don’t have a deep fear of missing out, so I’m not easily disheartened when the restaurant takes precedence over other interests. Thankfully, I can find my glimmers in books, connections, animals, and my work. My past experiences in hospitality trained me well to find beauty in the present.
Additionally, there’s the realization that although this feels like a repeat of the past, it’s not the same. In this case, I am playing a supporting role, not the main character. Unlike the past, I’m not the captain of the ship; that title belongs to my husband. I’m primarily in the business of being the best partner that I can be to the restaurateur I married. The actions associated with that support are varied and none come at the expense of my work. In fact, the restaurant is an invaluable space for me to host workshops and spread the word about health coaching.
If your journey has repeatedly brought you back to those people, circumstances, or places that you no longer wanted, I understand. Nevertheless, if you let any of it usurp you, it will, but if you surrender, adapt, and grow, you will soon realize that you’re not that helpless after all. You’ll be the one to bring newness to the sameness through your personal evolution. So, carry on and don’t lose hope yet 😊
As always, I am here to support you all the way. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
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All the best,
Chaitni