For the past month, I’ve felt an ache in my heart grieving lost relationships – familial and otherwise. Every single day, I’ve had the same sense of loss, anger, and sadness. The same dialogues and scenarios run through my head that leave me in tears, which I hold back as a false show of strength. The reason for these emotions stems from severed ties with certain family and friends in the last year. Although I won’t disclose the details of what occurred, I will share some ways that are helping me cope and heal. I’ll be at my most vulnerable for three reasons. One of them is whether you feel a sense of abandonment, grief or any kind of heartache, then please know that you are not alone. Another reason is to remind you of the tools at your disposable that can help you get through these difficult times. The most important reason is to send you immense strength and courage to keep working on your healing process.
About a year ago, there was a rift that left me traumatized. I didn’t know what to feel or how to feel. My moral compass felt all over the place. I got the help I needed at that point, because I’d hit rock bottom and no person or place felt safe. What I didn’t realize then is that the immediate help I received was a temporary balm. In fact, I had so much to untangle if I wanted to heal as I had yet to fully process my emotions.
My gentle reminder for you is that no matter how hard you try, you cannot escape, numb, or avoid your emotions – good or bad. They always find a way back.
Last year’s episode was followed by so many transitions related to health, marriage, and another move that processing the pain took a backseat. Nevertheless, my body didn’t forget. The hurt took up space physically and came roaring back a year later.
In this past month, I have thought about the loss and lamented the trajectory of events. Coincidentally, around the same time that the despair returned is when I noticed a dull pain in my lower back. Initially, I thought it was either from working on the bed while my desk was being made or from not stretching enough after exercising. Gradually, the pain exacerbated affecting my sleep and mood. I iced, rested, stretched, and complained for days. Ultimately, I decided to see a doctor.
I still hadn’t realized that the emotional pain from last year was physically eating away at me. I was holding it all in directing myself to be strong and accept what I couldn’t change. Slowly but surely, the pain in my heart had manifested into an extreme physical pain in my back.
My gentle reminder for you is that trauma leaves an imprint on your body, and when you don’t make peace with that trauma, it makes a home in your body.
Once the above realization dawned on me, I leaned on my husband for support. It wasn’t the first time that I shared my pain, but this time, I specifically requested he listen to understand and not listen to respond and resolve. Our loved ones tend to dish out advice and judgment too soon when we are grappling with any kind of pain. Even so, there is no harm in asking them for the type of support we need instead of the kind they wish to give.
There was no immediate change in my physical or mental pain after I let it all out to my husband; however, a day later, I felt lighter. My physical pain peaked and then began to subside. I am still nursing it, and I will be seeing a doctor soon, but the severity of it has lessened.
My gentle reminder for you is to share the burden with the right people. You don’t need to do it all alone.
Since that conversation, I have chosen to show myself some compassion and understanding. Now, when the negative thoughts and feelings emerge, I tell them that I see them and hear them. Then, I tell myself that I’m sorry this is so difficult but to hang in there. I remind myself that there will come a day when these sentiments won’t torment me. It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and painful to face these feelings so frequently, but it’s less draining mentally and physically to lean into them than fight them.
If you wish to heal, my gentle reminder for you is to be willing to see the pain with kindness and curiosity.
I’ve also chosen to shift my focus from all that I’ve lost to all that I’ve gained in the last year. I purposefully turned to the love that exists in my life right now, be it the people, pups, or my work. I strongly believe that behind every door that shuts and every person that willingly exits, there is another door and person waiting to be discovered, loved, and appreciated. I have gained a whole new family after marriage, made new friends here, and I’ve had the chance to strengthen the relationships with people who have still chosen to be a part of my life.
As hard as it is, my gentle reminder to you is to hold on to the thought that something better is in store for you, especially when unexpected and unwanted change occurs. Finding gratitude in the here and now shifts your perspective and energy for the better.
Lastly, I turned to my meditation practice for guidance and peace within. One of my favorite meditation practices is the Loving Kindness Meditation. I’ve mentioned it before in my blogs, but I’ve turned to it in the past few days. It’s helped me show myself compassion as well as the people with whom I have yet to make peace. Healing is a result of accepting, forgiving, and understanding, and practicing LKM can squarely place you on that path.
Life is full of rights and wrongs, and complex humans and emotions. There is no black and white explanation to what happened a year ago. You may have experienced similar emotions of bafflement and hurt during heartbreaking experiences in your life. Moreover, you may or may not have gotten closure, but you do have the ability and capability to actively heal through small actions, non-judgmental introspection, and minor perspective shifts.
As always, I am here to support you all the way, my brave soul. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
My guide to creating your vision available here: https://fierce-originator-1156.ck.page/fb87324085
All the best,
Chaitni