There are times when it feels that nothing is going according to plan. There are occasions when it seems like I can’t do anything right. And, then there are also moments when everything seems frustrating, impossible, and a royal pain in the behind. These instances are infrequent, but when they do occur, they stand out like a sore thumb. In this week’s blog, I share a few mindset shifts I’ve practiced over the years to cope with situations and days that feel utterly out of control.
For me, the frustration, overwhelm, and irritation pile sky high during a certain period every month (no pun intended!). Over the years, I have learnt certain tricks, if you will, to keep me sane, positive, and functioning.
I suffer from a chronic condition called PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). In layman’s terms, it’s severe PMS with intense mood swings and fatigue. I can mostly remedy the perpetual exhaustion by slowing down and ensuring enough sleep; however, it has taken years to master managing my emotional and mental health during that period. The rest of this blog is not a lesson in women’s biology, but it is more of a reminder of the tools at our disposal when emotions are difficult to manage.
During my most recent cycle, there was a small incident that conveniently blew out of proportion in my head. I was on my way to garba (an Indian dance form) practice. As I was leaving in my car, another resident was driving head on towards me attempting to access his parking spot. To give him enough room, I unknowingly pulled directly into his parking space. He yelled and rudely gestured at me from his car, and one of the security guards immediately came over trying to direct this scene of traffic. Everything was sorted in a matter of minutes after which I left, but I couldn’t get his angry and unwarranted behavior out of my head.
For a good while, I was furious and too upset to focus during garba practice. Once I got home, I told myself that I wanted to release these negative emotions for the sake of my mental peace. The incident was a hiccup in my day and that’s the attention it deserved. I don’t generally make a mountain of a molehill, but that’s how life can play out with PMDD.
I’m going to describe how I snapped out of the unhelpful thoughts that day, which is normally what I do when small or large annoyances present themselves regardless of my hormonal changes. Moreover, everything I express can be applied universally regardless of gender or hormones 😊
I’ve recognized that the biggest tool at my disposal is acceptance. When I begin feeling angry, frustrated or even overwhelmed, I label my emotion and accept it. This step makes it much easier to deal with the feelings, work through them, and eventually release them. In the past, when I rejected every negative emotion, I would isolate, flake, or avoid commitments. If the situation with the other car would’ve occurred prior to this awakening, there’s a good chance I would’ve confronted the driver of the car followed by conflicting sentiments. That interaction would have left me too drained to attend dance class, thereby robbing me of a joyful activity. So, now I take the higher road of acceptance.
The next step in my process is trying to understand the reactions of everyone involved, me included. I do my best to comprehend objectively, or else biases take root. I do this exercise, because I believe that our actions are reactions to and extensions of our thoughts and feelings. There’s often an emotional reason behind our attitude and behavior.
In this instance, I chalked up the driver’s poor attitude to an unpleasant day at work, family turmoil, or many of life’s other complications. I wasn’t justifying his behavior, but I wanted to understand it to fully let go of my anger. This action may not be applicable to every conflict or traumatic event, but it applies to most. The reason this step works is because it draws out the empathy and forgiveness within me.
The third step is humor. Once the anger and irritation have marginally subsided, I replay the event and find humor in the situation. For instance, in the situation I described above, I imagined the driver as a caricature of himself. He reminded me of Tom, the cat from “Tom and Jerry.” The hilarity made the driver’s conduct too absurd to take seriously.
The fourth and final step is awareness of the disturbing thoughts that circle like a bunch of bloodthirsty sharks. Maybe it’s practice, meditation, or age , but I’ve thankfully gotten better at being aware of what’s going through my head. As a result, I can stop the ride down the rabbit hole quickly. This cognizance not only helps me regulate my emotions, but it also limits any collateral damage. At some point or another, we’ve all been guilty of inadvertently mistreating ourselves or others when dealing with difficult emotions. With this awareness, I try to break that potential cycle of negativity and hurtful actions.
In addition to changing my mindset, which is what I’ve described above, I have made several dietary and lifestyle changes to help me cope with PMDD. I won’t delve into those as much, but getting enough sleep, exercising, limiting or eliminating alcohol and eating nutritious foods have been a game changer for my symptoms.
Regardless of PMS and hormones, every day is not the same. There are more positive days than difficult ones and, yet, the difficult days, people, and circumstances take up much too much energy. This is my reminder to you that given the right mindset and tools, you are not completely powerless in any situation.
As always, I am here to support you all the way, my brave soul. I hope you keep in touch with your stories, thoughts, and feedback. If you wish to learn more, please stop by www.imperfectbodies.com. Lastly, if you enjoyed this information, then please share it with others.
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All the best,
Chaitni